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Some People...

The more I hear about the current generation, the more I want to smack them. Parent makes agreement with other adults. Grown kid of parent comes along and arbitrarily changes agreement, and is snotty too.

Speaking of generations, and communities, what the fuck is it with the Bay Area pagan/heathen community that makes them still only pay lip service to the concept of community? I mean, fuck, community means sharing the hard stuff too, not just the fun stuff that you go to for a social life or entertainment!

For over 25 years, I've never seen more than a handful of the around a thousand pagans in this area actually pitch in and help out when a regular, involved person needs real help. Oh, they'll work a spell, or some equally half-assed thing, but they won't actually "work" unless they get some sort of benefit or ego-boo out of it. But unless there's drama, glory, of some other such, they expect the person to silently solve their pressing need and continue to "serve" the community as well!

When a previously able-bodied person ends up disabled, they cluck, cluck, make sympathetic noises, send "healing" for a little while, and then leave the person in the dust. Rides, accessibility, helping with PT, cooking, shopping, all that? Too much trouble, too busy, this is where we've "always" held events. Then they wonder where so-and-so "went".

If a person is gravely ill but not quite dying yet, they won't even do caretaker relief!! Oh, they'll show up for the rituals and ceremonies involved with passing, but heaven forfend they'll actually be available when the slow decline is happening. If you really cared about the person, wouldn't you interrupt your busy speaking, teaching and mouthpiece of the gods schedule to come see your old friend while they were still lucid? I know it's easier to do a short ritual, but could you at least have tried?

You want to serve your community? Then be there, not just for the fun, but for the work, the support, and the pain, too. Stop letting your rituals, ceremonies and accumulation of woo points get in the way of helping your friends and chosen spirit kin. If you become an example to the younger generation, they just might be there for you when you are ill, disabled, needing help, needing company.

Otherwise, what good are you to the gods, if you won't even help your own among the living??

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( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
talvinm
May. 7th, 2007 12:12 am (UTC)
Parent makes agreement with other adults. Grown kid of parent comes along and arbitrarily changes agreement, and is snotty too.

I am afraid I do not understand exactly what you mean, here.

To me, a "grown kid" is someone else's child who is nonetheless an adult. Is that how you meant it?

If either of my parents attempted to make a commitment on by behalf, well--they made the commitment, it is their responsibility. The arbitrariness was in the original agreement, and the offspring have every right to be upset about it--and to ignore, or modify, the agreement.

I've had to deal with this, not just from my parents, but from other, older adults who fantasize about being our parents. The fact that my Lady is Blind, and that we have a child of our own, draws this sort constantly. They think we are up for adoption!

I never gave them permission to promise or order me for anything, and I am swift to put them in their place: I am an adult, not their vassal or property. My Lady is an adult, and trying to treat her as a child because she cannot see is a swift road to being told off, and I don't care who hears it. Our child is just that: our child. "Well, of course you won't mind!" is a sure way to make me mind very much: if they can't ask politely, as an equal, and accept my answer, then they are not worth hanging around.

Whew! OK, that touched a nerve. :P Please understand that I have had to threaten people with jail because they could not/would not grasp that last part.

Now, if you are talking about a Minor Teenager (are any of them "minor?"), I feel discipline and understanding need to be balanced. But, then, I had to deal with a very inconsistent and abusive family environment as a teen, so I think about this a lot more.

In the end, with a minor, we are the parents. The kid gets a chance for their say in most circumstances, and we will listen, but we have to accept the legal and moral responsibility, ultimately.
ravan
May. 7th, 2007 03:05 am (UTC)
No, the parent made a commitment for themselves and their business, the adult offspring changed their agreement - the kid took it on themselves to alter the agreement made by the parent! Disrespect, on many levels. The daughter in this case was altering the agreement made by the parent in the parent's behalf, as if the parent was an idiot!

It would be like my mother made a business deal to do X, and I came and said to the person they made it with "No, she didn't mean X, she meant F." Interfering in the parent's arrangements.
talvinm
May. 7th, 2007 10:41 am (UTC)
Then the son/daughter is way out of line.

Sorry, I misinterpreted the situation as you described it. As you can see, I have had to deal with a lot of "Mama Knows Best", even when it isn't *my* Mama. So I saw it in that light.

(My own mother? Haven't spoken to her in ten years. If you want to know why, check my journal come Mother's Day.)
bergtagen
May. 7th, 2007 04:11 am (UTC)
Well, I don't know anything about the specifics, but the general rant is one I indulge in from time to time.
weofodthignen
May. 7th, 2007 05:07 pm (UTC)
I feel a bit guilty that I might be included here. I would hope I would know, and there would be something I could feasibly do, but each situation is different and sometimes people assume everybody is in the loop and I've often been out of it.

There's a point here about the purposes of religion and of religious community, too. I think on that point you and I would be close to agreement.

M
lwood
May. 7th, 2007 05:20 pm (UTC)
Hm--I must be in that handful, then. ;P

-- Lorrie
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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